A Douglas Cress Production: April 2006

Jaywalking

I consider myself a pioneer—I’m not the type to follow the path of those who've come before me. One might say I take the road less traveled.. This afternoon, I encountered two men who sought to curb my zest for living.

I was cornered by the New York Police Department after crossing 86^th Street, approximately one-half way between 3rd Avenue and Lexington. I was confused at first. Was it the elderly woman I had accosted the week prior? The handicapped gentleman who’s wheelchair I had stolen? Was I just being paranoid?

Officer Willie Matos (he'll remain nameless) was the first to speak. It soon became clear that I was being charged with jaywalking (I prefer to call it “trailblazing”) He asked for my identification and if I was indeed, "Douglas Cress".

“Yes,” I said. “I am Douglas Cress. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?” I breathed a sigh of relief. How could they give Douglas Cress, of douglascress.blogspot.com, a citation for jaywalking?!

As luck would have it, they weren’t fans.

While they wrote up the ticket I suggested they move their base of operations closer to the Papaya King down the street.

“Why not give tickets to fat people leaving with hot dogs?” After all, heart disease kills far more people than jaywalking. Officer Matos' portly partner was not amused.

They handed me the citation and I shuffled off, defeated. On June 20^th, I will spend much of my day in court and depart $50 poorer. Does the punishment fit the crime?

In 1998 (the most recent year for which I could find data) there were a total of 99 jaywalking tickets issued in NYC. If every native New Yorker jaywalks once per day (a conservative estimate) the likelihood of getting ticketed for this offense is less than one in thirty million.

I won the jaywalking lottery.

Srirup in Jamaica- this picture speaks to me.

Easter Poem

When I was five I got a bead stuck up my nose.
Imagine my surprise--I was terrified.
At five, consider the consequences
of a bead lodged in your skull.

Would I survive?

The tears began to flow.
People asked me why
I cried and cried.
But I told nobody
and crawled under a table.

Soon I had to blow my nose,
from all the crying.

And in the goo?
A diamond? No.
A goldmine.

A Boston Reunion

I took the bus back to Boston on Thursday evening, I had not been home since Thanksgiving. On the way up an extremely depressing older man sat next to me. He had been traveling from Florida for the last 32 hours and had some body odor issues. He was on disability, lived with his parents (at age 50), and had a host of substance abuse isssues. He took a sip of my water, rendering the bottle worthless.

My mom picked me up in Framingham, I took a shower and went to bed. The next morning I got up early. After breakfast I went to the Dentist for a cleaning. On my return, I was chafeurred to Harvard Sq. to pick up my father's car--he was in Florida for the week.

I was bored by Noon and decided to kill some at the Natick Mall. I got a sandwich at D'angelos and then bought a pair of jeans. Having fulfilled my responsibilty as a consumer I met up with Anna S. We went to Wellesley for tea and polite conversation. I stopped by Weston at 530pm and ate some dinner before driving to Watertown and then Brookline.

26 Hamilton Road resembles a fraternity. It houses Bean, Srirup, Ilia, George, Jason, Goat, FJ (and for the week Bubbles--a dog). I hung around the apartment that night. At 1030 we took a cab to 'The Enormous Room' in Central Square where we met Ani and some of her friends from Tufts.

I stayed in Watertown that night. The next morning I utilized Cousens gym at Tufts and then drove to Weston. Viv and I went to SkipJacks for lunch, I had the Wasabe Salmon. It was delicous. Afterwards we went to Filene's Basement and then home.

At 430 I drove back to 26 for a BBQ. Srirup and I picked up some foodstuffs at the supermarket. Many people came over during the course of the evening and afternoon including Jay, Tim, Joff, John S., Bitty, and Kate F. Around 1130 we walked down the street and went to a bar.

I slept in Weston. On Sunday, after dropping off the car, I caught the bus home. We arrived at Port Authority by 630pm. I took the A,C,E to Brooklyn and met up with Adam and Nicole in Bed Sty. I didn't get back to my apartment until 1130pm; I slept soon after.

Saturday night we encountered this classy pair. You can just make out the splattering of vomit on the ground nearby. Whose vomit? Its anybody's guess.