A Douglas Cress Production

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2009-10-04T09:26:00.001-04:00

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2009-10-04T09:17:00.001-04:00

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2009-09-03T14:06:00.001-04:00

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刺刺的進入耳中

2009-02-16T08:51:00.004-05:00

一直堅信，輿論對事件的關注，只不過是因為「事在中國、人在香港、全球在看（朝中國看）」而已。但在這無心裝載的晚上，竟然有報導喚起我鮮有的專注和關注。

無可避免，這些日子以來，總會得悉有不同的呼籲，有不同的報導。我一直逃避著用普通話作的報導；因為，潛意識裡，一直歇斯底里地哭求著「不要把這事情拉到我的身旁」。

曾在國內待了好一陣子的我，雖然普通話仍不靈光，但對普通話的敏感度，尤勝於母語。我想，要是我一直身在香港的話，可能並不會有這麼大的觸動。

看著公仔箱浮光掠影的片刻，突然有一句話，刺刺的進入耳中：

（以下所有篇幅，請以普通話唸讀）

Testing

2009-02-12T13:52:00.001-05:00

Testing

Blogsoop - Feb 12 2009

2009-02-12T12:27:00.001-05:00

BlogSoop

Subprime Primer

2008-08-20T06:28:00.000-04:00

Subprime Primer - Upload a Document to Scribd

Put Charities through a Rigorous Cost-Benefit Analysis

2007-12-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

This is a great idea - and a long time coming.

So many charities are blatantly wasteful and poorly run. Its good to see a studied investing approach applied to charitable organizations.

"[The] two 26-year-olds who quit their jobs at a Westport hedge fund to start a foundation that puts charities through a rigorous cost-benefit analysis and then rates them on their effectiveness. It's called GiveWell, and it's apparently causing quite a stir in the nonprofit community."

Bill's 59th Birthday

2007-11-26T22:14:00.000-05:00

New Restaurants at BlogSoop

2007-10-24T08:38:00.000-04:00

On Inspiration

2007-08-30T14:50:00.000-04:00

"The words aren’t gushing out like a flood, like they usually do. My narrator is reluctant, you see. Reluctant, misanthropic, fed up and hopeless. He’d be angry if he weren’t so jaded by now. So every time I sit down to write, it’s a little bit of a struggle. I can’t just give him control of my hands, like I normally do, and let my conscious mind go out for a smoke or some sushi. It’s an interactive process. I have to pour him drinks, get him talking, draw him out little by little. He wants to tell the story, he really does; but he’s also so tired, so full of pain that runs so deep it doesn’t even feel like pain any more. He doesn’t give a damn about himself or about anything else. Hell, in the first chapter we find him lying naked on a beach, waiting for heat exhaustion or dehydration or the sea to take him away. Getting him out of that hole, getting him to come inside and pick up a pencil, takes some doing."

- Jeff Harrell

Asking the Right Questions

2007-08-28T09:56:00.001-04:00

Is high fructose corn syrup any worse than its leading competitor, table sugar?

The publics lack of understanding needlessly vilifies this sweetener.

Martha's Vineyard

2007-08-22T13:31:00.000-04:00

Seeing how I rarely post new stuff here anymore, I thought I might share a few beach pictures from a recent excursion to Martha's Vineyard.

BlogSoop New York City Summer Dining Guide

2007-08-15T11:09:00.000-04:00

The 2007 BlogSoop New York City Summer Dining Guide is here.

Restaurant reviewed include:

Thanks to all the bloggers who have agreed to have their reviews included. I've included links to their sites - once downloaded its easy to click through and explore.

Feel free to copy, distribute, embed and or otherwise transmit the work as you see fit.

Citysearch Ad Buyer Beware

2007-08-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

Industry estimates put Citysearch ad spending in the $100 million/year range. The company buys keywords using AdWords (as well as with Yahoo! and other search engines) and then directs a visitor to sponsored listing, offsetting the purchase price of the click and potentially earning a profit. Citysearch is the most profitable search arbitrage site on the web.

When is Enough, Enough?

2007-08-08T12:42:00.000-04:00

Studies show our environment impacts our dietary decisions far more than we might predict.

Hot Pepper Seeks Spicy Masochist

2007-08-01T10:05:00.001-04:00

How did we, as a species, develop our perverse desire to suffer – and enjoy - chili’s painful burn? Are we masochistic gastronomes?

On Anosmia and Taste

2007-07-25T11:21:00.000-04:00

Two to five million American adults live with anosmia. They cannot detect odors of any kind – it is to smell what blindness is to sight.

Taste Superheroes

2007-07-19T12:35:00.001-04:00

Supertaste defined, supertaste as s predictor for diet and weight - and is one-size fits all food and wine criticism of any use?

Internet Crash

2007-07-18T21:14:00.000-04:00

The Body Knows Best

2007-07-18T09:57:00.000-04:00

Biological signals regulate food intake, according to John Allred, Ph.D., Ohio State University nutrition professor.

During a three-week study involving 25 male college students, a Carnation Instant Breakfast was served every day at lunch. Some shakes were prepared with whole milk, some with skim milk, and some consisted of skim milk and sugar.

Students who consumed the fatty, low-carb, whole-milk drinks compensated by eating less fat and more carbs later. Those who drank the low-fat, low-cal, skim-milk shakes ultimately upped their calorie intake, and those who drank the high-carb, low-fat shakes ate more fat but fewer carbohydrates throughout the afternoon.

Girl Talk Leads to Depression

2007-07-16T12:03:00.000-04:00

Girls who discuss problems with their friends may actually be increasing their negative feelings by doing so.

A study released Sunday by researchers at the University of Missouri-Columbia found that excessively discussing problems with close friends appears to increase anxiety and depression in young and adolescent girls - rather than reduce it. No such effect was found in adolescent boys.

Full Story

Picky Eaters

2007-07-11T15:08:00.001-04:00

I delve into the world of picky eaters in my latest post on the Soop.

MSGee Whiz

2007-07-03T12:32:00.001-04:00

An abbreviated history of MSG, its safety and use – and is it contributing to the obesity epidemic?

Orthopedics Special Focus

2007-07-02T22:16:00.000-04:00

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

2007-07-02T21:22:00.001-04:00

Mainstream Meadia & Food Blogging

2007-06-25T21:56:00.000-04:00

A new feature article at BlogSoop that I spent far too long writing:

An ecclesiastical history of the food web, the media’s response to online restaurant criticism, and why Mario Batali is an idiot.

Sunflower Seed Butter

2007-06-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

Photo Courtesy of Roboppy

According to research, sunflower seeds may help lower high blood pressure. Spanish researchers tested a fatless sunflower seed meal in an experiment that mimicked the body's digestive process. The seed meal released bioactive peptides that inhibited the production of an enzyme that contributes to high blood pressure. The researchers believe that whole sunflower seeds could have the same effect.

Some Local Music

2007-06-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

East Homicide Harlem / Don't Stop

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Bloomberg Wins Points with Reasonable Citizens

2007-06-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

Michael Bloomberg changed his party affiliation from Republican to unaffiliated yesterday.

I've always had the utmost respect for the man. His fiscal policy is sound and responsible. He seems like an all around reasonable and intelligent person.

I hope he runs for President; he has continually denied that he will.

Crocs??

2007-06-19T12:39:00.001-04:00

What's up with these shoes? I know they're comfortable, but they look ridiculous. Every time I see someone wearing a pair I want to ask if they've given up on life.

Irresponsible HIV Statistic?

2007-06-13T12:36:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I posted a statistic on the HIV infection rates among heterosexuals. The post got picked up on Sphere as a featured blog reaction to article on AOL: Man With HIV Gets Life Term for Sex. Several hundred people wandered over for a read.

There's a reason that statistic isn't broadly disseminated - it might actually strengthen one's proclivity for having unprotected sex. Does our society have a responsibility to protect us from accurate, yet potentially damaging information?

Here's another HIV statistic to consider (from National Geographic):

Appealing to Vanity: The Dangers of Tanning

2007-06-12T10:58:00.000-04:00

What's more frightening - contracting Melanoma or looking old before your time?

The incidence of skin disorders associated with ultraviolet light increases with age and develops over several decades. One Australian study found moderate to severe photodamage in 72% of men and 47% of women under 30 years of age.

Melanoma - the most lethal form of skin cancer - will strike nearly 60,000 Americans this year and kill about 8,100. This type of data has been around for decades, as have informative governmental campaigns.

But what's the best way to get the message across? It may have less to do with thinly veiled cancer threats and more to do with appearance.

A 2006 study published in Basic and Applied Social Psychology, used “appearance-based interventions” on 244 Southern California beach patrons ranging in age from 18 to 67 at the very start of summer. Researchers started showing college students images of people with heavy wrinkling and age spots, then followed up with Polaroids of their own sun-damaged skin, captured with a ultraviolet camera, which reveals age spots and uneven pigmentation not yet visible to the naked eye.

Interviews three months later showed the message got through - the participants were protecting their skin from the sun.

A newer study Health Psychology involving 133 UCSD students shows “in your face” intervention actually resulted in sun-smart behavior for a full year.

The Spread of HIV

2007-06-11T12:07:00.000-04:00

Chart from TDAXP

According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, men almost never get HIV from women. A healthy man who has unprotected sex with a non drug-using woman has a one in 5 million chance of getting HIV. If he wears a condom, the odds drop to one in 50 million. And though it's easier for men to infect women, the odds that an HIV-positive man will transmit the virus to a woman through sex are less than one in 1,000.

Discuss...

Sporkk

2007-06-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

Check out the site everyone's been talking about - Sporkk.

Sporkk will reverse engineer the way we think about the web.

Sporkk is the new it. Its the new you never knew you knew.

Sporkk is old school.

Income and Portion Size

2007-06-05T20:45:00.000-04:00

"A survey conducted by Decision Analysts is Dallas last year of more than 4,000 consumers found that 57 percent of adults preceive restaurant portions as too generous; only 20 percent regarded portions as too small. The study also found that the higher the respondent's income, the more likely the person would view portions as too large."

- Michael Bauer

New York City Murder Rates

2007-06-04T20:28:00.000-04:00

When I said I felt "as safe as ever", I meant it.

Witnessing an act of violence, whether on television or in person, should
not factor into one's presumption of security, or lack thereof.

Fatal Shooting at 1774 Lexington Avenue

2007-06-04T09:41:00.000-04:00

10pm.

After getting off at the 110th St. stop of the Uptown six train, I was greeted by a scene of onlookers and police - the crowd was small as it was raining.

As if in an episode of cops, I witnessed a limp body (one of his legs was hanging off the stretcher) pulled out of a red brick apartment building and placed on the street. In the next few minutes CPR was administered, frantically. I've taken CPR classes in the past, one of the things instructors instill is just how much external pressure is needed to pump blood.

After a few minutes, the individual was placed in an ambulance and whisked away.

There were at least 15 cops mulling around the street. The crowd dispersed and I walked a block and a half home and went to sleep, feeling as safe as ever.

I've had violent hiccups for the last two hours..

2007-05-29T22:19:00.000-04:00

I think I'm starting to lose my mind.

Creation Museum to Redefine Science

2007-05-29T09:51:00.000-04:00

The $27 million Creation Museum opened it's doors in Northern Kentucky on Monday. The Museum argues that the Bible is more accurate than evolutionary science, asserting that the planet is just a few thousand years old and that humans and dinosaurs once coexisted.

In an interview with NPR, Ken Ham, founder, argued that the Museum offers both sides of the creation argument - explaining that a fossil exhibit has a "creation paleontologist" and an "evoloutionary paleontologist" providing differing interpretations of the same evidence. Ham rejects the notion that science has a lock on empirical evidence.

"All scientists have presuppositions that they start with that determine how they interpret evidence, scientists were not around to see dinosaurs walk the Earth anymore than creationists can claim to have been present to observe Adam and Eve."

On the About Page at the Creation Museum's Website Ham's scientific beliefs are explicitly stated, "the Creation Museum will be upfront that the Bible is the supreme authority in all matters of faith and practice, and in every area it touches upon."

The Creation Museum's mission?

"Exalt Jesus Christ as Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer through a safe, wholesome, family-friendly center for learning and discovery that clearly presents major biblical themes from Genesis to Revelation."

According to Wikipedia, science, in the broadest sense, refers refers to any systematic methodology which attempts to collect accurate information about the shared reality and to model this in a way which can be used to make reliable, concrete and quantitative predictions about events, past, present, and future, in line with observations.

According to the Creation Museum website:

"guests will learn how to answer the attacks on the Bible’s authority and will discover how science actually confirms biblical history."

The Creation Museum, built with private donations by the non-profit ministry Answers in Genesis, includes a 200-seat special-effects theater, a 40-foot-tall depiction of Noah's Ark and robotic, roaring dinosaurs.

Are Some People Born Evil?

2007-05-22T11:26:00.000-04:00

Perhaps its too simplistic a claim that one has a genetic predisposition to evil acts.

"It is easy to identify individuals who willfully degrade and destroy other human beings as "evil." Starting with the Biblical characterization of Lucifer as God's favorite angel transformed into the dark force of the devil and cast into hell, scores of evildoers fill history's hall of shame. In recent times, Hitler, Stalin, Mao and many others stand out as mass murderers. However, as a social psychologist I prefer to identify situational conditions that can facilitate or seduce good people into becoming perpetrators of evil, such as adherence to destructive ideologies, rules, roles, uniforms, group norms, along with processes of dehumanization, deindividuation and moral disengagement."

- Philip Zimbardo, Ph.D., President, American Psychology Association

Physical Activity In Lieu of Drug Treatments for Depression

2007-05-21T13:00:00.000-04:00

In the past decade, researchers have compiled an extensive set of data that shows exercise may combat mild to moderate depression at least as well as any other treatment.

A recent study at Duke University used a four-month program of aerobic exercise in people diagnosed with moderate to severe depression. The subjects worked out for 30 minutes three times a week in groups. Their response was compared with that of similarly depressed patients who received either standard therapy with Zoloft or drug and exercise combined.

Patients in all three groups experienced equally significant reductions in depression symptoms. Combining two effective treatments, drug and exercise, added no benefit. Notably however, six months after treatment ended, fewer patients in the exercise group had relapsed into depression.

Animal studies show that exercise alters neurotransmitters involved in the regulation of emotion, especially norepinephrine - the changes are similar to those produced by antidepressants. It also appears to stimulate the vagus nerve, increasingly recognized as an important pathway of depression.

Exercise changes people's perception of themselves, providing a sense of accomplishment and positive self-esteem, thus reducing negative thoughts. And exercise keeps on working - people who continue to exercise have continuing reductions in the symptoms of depression.

Vladimir Krestovich Returns

2007-05-21T09:42:00.000-04:00

This time as a mad scientist with no sense of taste..

Taco Town Pizza Crepe Taco Pancake Chile Bag

2007-05-14T20:48:00.001-04:00

A Big Apple in the Big Apple - Switching to a Mac

2007-05-10T10:53:00.000-04:00

Carrying the 65 pound box which housed my new computer was no easy feat. The brushed steel tower (which resembles a giant cheese grater) weighs fifty pounds.

The Mac Pro was too big to fit under my desk. And upon examining the interior one can see why. It’s voluminous with minimalist leanings. The components are clearly labeled; there’s plenty of room for expansion. One can install up to 16 gb of ram (in eight slots) and as much as 3 terabytes of storage with four 750 gb hard drives. This would make sense if you were a serious video editor.

I ordered the 2.66 ghz quad core with 1gb of ram and a 250 gig hard drive – this is the base configuration – there are also 3 ghz quad and eight core models. The only add-on was a Bluetooth adaptor.

I was able to get a discount by ordering through a student. It was pretty easy to do and led to a savings of $200 or so. I ordered 2 GB of RAM from an aftermarket vendor as Apple RAM is a rip-off. I plan on ordering another 2 GB in a few months.

5 GB should allow me to live the dream of running all my applications all the time without conflict or decreased performance.

So why did I buy a Mac? There are comparably priced PCs which offer similar stats. In the end, I’m of the opinion, that the operating system is far superior to Vista or XP. In every debate I researched, Apple was a winner – which is surprising considering they only have 5 – 6% of the computing market. Even hardcore PC users admit that Apple is better; the exception is gamers.

My first impressions of the OS 10.4 Tiger were good. I had anticipated waiting for the launch of 10.5 Leopard – this was postponed until the Fall so I went ahead and pulled the trigger.

First impressions?

The interface is clean – the system does not come pre-installed with a bunch of crappy programs – although there were a few I deleted right away. Uninstalling them is easy enough (one simply drags them to the trash can).

The computer is fast – all that RAM comes in handy. I can tell when browsing, where Firefox alone is taking up 500 megs of RAM with 25 separate tabs open. Web applications like GMAIL and an AJAX inspired BlogSoop backend load much faster than on the PC.

At first I was very frustrated by some of the differences in keyboard layout. What’s the deal with the Open Apple Key?? It’s in a terrible position for copying and pasting stuff – an activity I find myself doing quite often. It took me about two hours to reconfigure the keyboard so it behaves as a PC. This was no small feat. If Apple wants to draw more PC-users away, they should make it a simple process. The core differences are the ALT & CNTRL keys as well as the Home & End Keys.

The stupidity of a one button mouse speaks for itself. It’s completely nonsensical to not have two buttons. While I do like the ‘Mighty Mouse’ rolling track ball, I decided to set up my own mouse instead. I had to spend some time configuring a back button. I recommend finding a mouse with a 4th button near ones thumb. Going “back” a page on websites is the second most commonly used method of navigation on the internet.

I was able to "find" copies of Office 2004 (for MS Word, Excel and PowerPoint) as well as the new Creative Suite 3. (I need to better version so I can exploit the Bridge functionality – which now makes sense that I have a computer powerful enough to run all programs in parallel.)

One feature I love is the ability to minimize an application and have it hide away out of site and mind. In Windows one always has to see open programs in the Taskbar at the bottom of the screen. Another great feature is Spotlight, a computer wide keyword search – functionality Windows has finally introduced with Vista.

A further complaint is related to the way windows are displayed without a solid background. I find this distracting. I don’t want to see my desktop if I’m working on something. This will be resolved with the introduction of ‘Spaces’ in Leopard, where one can alternate between four different desktops.

It also seems that the Mac was not set up with dual monitors in mind. The menu bar, which in PC’s is always at the top of a running application, is permanently fixed to one screen. So, for any applications running on my second monitor, I have to mouse all the way over to the far left corner to access the menu.

All in all, I’m happy with the switch. I feel much more elegant in my computing. I’m sure I will only continue to enjoy the Apple as time passes and I adjust.

A Lifetime in Computers

2007-05-07T09:28:00.000-04:00

When I was five years old my father brought home an Apple II GS. It was pretty slick at the time - 16-bit, 4096 colors, a mouse and a user friendly interface. It had no built in hard drive, just a 5.25" floppy drive.

A few years later my family switched to a PC, I believe I was eight or nine at the time. It was a Zeos running on an Intel 386 chip. After a few years we even set it up to a 9600 baud modem and signed up with a Prodigy account. My username was PWXR07E - I used to look at the weather maps, literally in awe of the digital age which had sprung forth.

I believe the hard drive held about 180 megabytes. At the time I remember discussing the enormity of the drive with my buddy Danny Wilansky...could you ever fill something THAT big!?

The machine ran on Windows 3.1 and featured a desktop-like feel. I had a blast playing "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego". Oftentimes one had to switch back to a DOS interface to access certain applications like "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing".

The next series of machines do not stand out in my mind. They were all PC based...we upgraded to Windows 95. The computers did their job; we switched from Prodigy to AOL at some point. AOL did a good job tricking Americans into believing their service was the only means to connect to the "World Wide Web".

When I reached high school we had access to a cable modem (cable TV came to the Cress household at this time as well). By Senior Year I found my way to Napster...the best and easiest way to share/steal music that has been or ever will be...with the exception of Bittorrent perhaps.

When I went off to College I had a Sony Vaio. I really liked that computer. It was the first time I used Windows XP - a vast improvement over Windows 98/2000. I was able to use it effectively for four years...the trick being to keep it clean and not install a milieu of junk on it. I performed a clean install the day I brought it home; most PC manufacturers load computers up with an excess of useless programs...like AOL.

After College I got an HP Pavillion Laptop. It's a huge machine meant to serve as a desktop replacement. Why I decided to replace a desktop with a huge and almost immovable laptop I'll never know. The machine worked well, although the hard drive failed not too long after buying it.

Tired of a laptop screen I purchased a 19" Dell Flat Panel...a year later I sold it and upgraded to a 24" Dell wide screen. The extra screen space has a HUGE impact on productivity.

After three years on the machine I decided it was time for an upgrade. While most consumers find themselves buying computers less often - in large part because they don't use applications which require the type of processing power that comes with newer machines - I was itching to get something faster.

I had purchased more RAM for my HP about a year ago to run Adobe InDesign. I have about 1.3 mb worth now. While the operates well enough it can get slow and will run out of memory when high-draw applications like Adobe Illustrator. And I have a dream...

I want to be able to run all my programs all the time. Even the high demand programs.

Well, after (almost) a lifetime of PC's, I've returned to my Mac roots. I'll tell you all about the switch in my next post.

Matt Cutts' on the Fountainhead

2007-05-03T12:35:00.000-04:00

Via a comment on his Blog

Doug, I’ve read enough Ayn Rand. At the point where someone criticizes Google and you think “How Ellsworth Toohey-like!”, you know it’s time to step away...

East Harlem's Rise

2007-05-03T09:31:00.000-04:00

Wrote a piece on the rise of East Harlem. You can check it out over at BlogSoop.

Establishing Rules of Telephone Etiquette

2007-05-01T21:51:00.000-04:00

Too often, I find myself calling someone back after being disconnected and getting their voice mail - only because they were trying to call me back at the exact same moment.

It's time we laid some ground rules. If I call you (initially) I'll call you back...just sit back and wait. If you called me, I'll expect a call back in a few minutes.

Got it? Got it.

You're such a cute little taco, MMmmMmM!!!!!!!!

2007-05-01T17:15:00.000-04:00

Doug.

This picture of you.

I think I need to eat it!

You are so cute I want to jump into your blog and SQUEEZE THE LITTLE DOUGLET!!

- Anonymous email.

I thought today was Friday

2007-04-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

I feel as if a day of my life has been stolen.

I woke up today at 6:30 AM and set about my usual schedule. I managed a couple of hours of work before venturing to the office.

As I walked down Lexington approaching 110th, I heard a train pass. No worry, I thought, trains run frequently at rush hour. The station was empty considering the hour - the train took an entire ten minutes to arrive.

When it did come, I was able to cozy up against the back door. I could have sat down if I wished. When I arrived at 86th St. I was greeted by no mob. I realized then, it must be Saturday.

How did this happen? I was sure it was Wednesday on Thursday when I went out to dinner. Yesterday, an unusual number of people had asked if I was up for something - I demurred, seeking instead a quiet Thursday and an early Friday.

Beware of The Fountainhead

2007-04-25T19:46:00.000-04:00

It will destroy your ability to do anything but read.

The Cloisters

2007-04-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

Sunday was a beautiful day - I took the opportunity to visit the Cloisters with my favorite art history buff.

The museum is well organized and spacious. Its focus is Pre-Renaissance European art and includes many religious objects, tapestries, paintings and carvings. I think I'd take a tour if I went again.

Its strange coming across a Medieval Castle in the midst of Manhattan - I've seen stranger things in my 3.5 years here.

Perquisite

2007-04-19T22:26:00.000-04:00

There's a television show called Cash Cab.

The premise is simple, according to the website: Unassuming people enter the "Cash Cab" as simple passengers taking a normal taxi ride, only to be shocked when they discover that they’re instant contestants on a Discovery Channel's game show.

I happened to be walking down Lexington Avenue this afternoon and saw the Cash Cab parked on 65th. The contestants were actively soliciting pedestrians - seeking help with a particular question.

This is known as a "Street Shout-Out". If they get stumped on a question, contestants can ask someone on the street for help.

Being New York, nobody would even stop to see what was going on. I spotted the camera man and realized this was indeed "The Cash Cab" and offered my trivia services.

The question: What is the word perk short for? Perk as in a benefit outside of one's salary. I guessed percutiary. I think I was going for pecuniary. The correct answer turns out to be perquisite, a word which I don't think I've heard before.

I was of no use to the contestants. I had to sign a waiver so maybe I'll get to be on television looking like a dumbass.

FWD: this is creepy!!!!!

2007-04-19T22:25:00.000-04:00

First such email I've ever enjoyed. Thanks Jen.

This is creepy!

Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Keep going . . .
Don't stop .. ..
Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name.
Almost there........
Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.
Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.
Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?!
Of course not.......
NOW TAKE THAT HAND AND smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games!

Bodily Symmetry and Intelligence

2007-04-18T11:09:00.000-04:00

Your body's bilateral symmetry statistically predicts your health, probability of depression, number of sexual partners, and resting metabolic rate (particularly if you are male).

Prokosch measured the right and left foot width, ankle width, wrist width, elbow width, ear width, ear length, index finger length, middle finger length, third finger length, and little finger length of 78 male subjects. Each subject also completed standard tests of general intelligence.

The results showed that bodily symmetry was correlated with all the measures (except for digit span), and that the size of each correlation was related to how strongly each of these measures predicts general intelligence.

Body symmetry more strongly predicts intelligence than brain size, nerve conduction velocity, reaction time reliability, and a number of other measures.

Full Story Here

2007-04-15T22:54:00.000-04:00

A Confession

2007-04-15T19:36:00.000-04:00

When I was a boy, I used to sneak down to the basement, watch television and eat fruit snacks.

I would eat package after package - one was never enough.

I'd hide the evidence behind the sofa cushion.

All those empty wrappers made me sad.

Douglas Cress Teaches Foreigners the Meaning of "Infidel"

2007-04-10T10:03:00.000-04:00

I'm famous in India.

E-Vocab, a blog that uses other blogs as a guide to the English language, recently featured A Douglas Cress Production.

According to the site, E-Vocab uses MNEMONICS as a tool. It instructs readers to

split the words
find some visual object out of it
make a ridiculous relationship of that object with the meaning of the word
visualize in mind

Is it any wonder I was selected for this word?

Dreaming of Pillows

2007-04-10T08:15:00.000-04:00

I wandered into an upscale store which sold pillows. The most modestly priced model was $95. Upon inspecting it, I noticed it had run out of air. The salesman fetched another. It was a nice pillow, but I had lost confidence by this point.

Socks

2007-04-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

Is there any better feeling than returning from the laundry room to find all your socks have found their mate?

Facebook Invents Digital Knick Knack

2007-04-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

A possession should simplify one's life, not complicate or clutter it. I only keep gifts I can use. And for better or worse, I'm not afraid to tell someone when a gift they give me is impractical or useless (just ask my family).

When Facebook (a social network that connects people with friends) introduced gift giving - tiny tokens of appreciation, that live on your profile - I was appalled.

Each gift costs one dollar and serves no purpose other than to look cute. Its a digital knick-knack, an e-Chotzke.

Its no different from the crystal figurine gathering dust in your grandmother's living room. I thought we, as a society, had grown beyond this.

Worse, each gift costs one dollar. That's money that could be donated to charity, money that could help or support people - not benefit a company which will gross $150 million in revenues this year.

To the best of my knowledge, there are no returns.

Matt Cutts' Blog Hacked?

2007-04-01T08:01:00.000-04:00

I have a feeling this is an April fools joke. And its exactly the type of thing Matt would do - only a few weeks ago he was talking about Nine Inch Nails' viral marketing.

Aside from that, its an damn fine illustration of SEO.

The Dark SEO Team has allegedly hacked Matt Cutts' Blog. Matt is a leading blogger working for Google.

In an open letter dated October 2005 Dark SEO Team declares:

Dear Matt,

Sorry it falls on you! We at DarkSeoteam appreciate your blog, respect your work… and you look like a nice guy. But your blog looked like the perfect target. First because you don’t rely on it for income, second because, on the internet, there is no better proof than a punchy example.

BlogSoop & AdRide - A recipe for success?

2007-03-31T10:38:00.000-04:00

I got a nice note today from Anthony at AdRide. From what I can tell they're a creative marketing firm. Anthony tells me:

BlogSoop is my favorite restaurant info website. I use it to not only get restaurant reviews, but locations and neighborhood eating ideas. I can't stomach the idea of using Citysearch or Menupages because I don't trust the reviews....I think a lot of New Yorker's feel the same way. Anyway, every time I mention your site to someone they've never heard of it..."Blog what?"

Thanks for the feedback! But is this true? Are there people who know not of BlogSoop? Anthony goes on to suggest that I look into an Adbike campaign. For those not in the know, Adbikes are high tech quadri-cycles, integrating two 6' x 4' poster panels on the chassis.

High tech quadri-cycles?? Anthony is clearly a sales genious.

He goes on to tickle my imagination with luscious imagery:

Picture the BlogSoop AdBikes cruising around NYC near the 9th Avenue Food Festival or around the Meat Packing district on a nice spring day! What do you think?

What do I think? I think its awesome. I can see it now...the BlogSoop AdBike cruising down 9th Ave., techno blasting from the bike's integrated speakers. Or perhap's the company's AdScreens are more up my alley?

One can dream.

Party at the Building Collapse

2007-03-27T19:55:00.000-04:00

The collapse which shut down the 4, 5, 6 train is located 4 blocks from my house. I'll stop by during the day and get some better pics.

It was like a party down there!

Odiferous

2007-03-27T10:40:00.000-04:00

I can smell the homeless man from the train this morning. Everyone avoided the area where he was hunched. The odor was overpowering - rotten animals and dead shoes. I can still smell him and I don't want to. I breached the quarantine - infecting myself - and others fled.

A woman's worst workplace enemy? Another woman.

2007-03-21T18:04:00.000-04:00

According to Psychology Today - women, it is widely felt, hold other women back.

The author admits there is not data to prove this theory. Women do however perceive other women as holding them back - this according to survey findings. This belief may be powerful in and of itself.

"Women blocking other women is a dangerous perception. It reinforces some inchoate portrait of the woman executive as insecure *****, easily threatened, overly emotional, less able to focus on achievement because she is preoccupied with squelching younger talent. In this scenario, female managers are all hard-edged Bette Davises, eye out for the rest of us incipient Eve Harringtons, turning the workplace for women into one hell of a bumpy ride."

2007-03-20T18:56:00.000-04:00

A response to 'A Dream I had'

2007-03-19T08:35:00.000-04:00

It was June 3rd, 2005. I decided to be brave and take the train to NYC by myself - I was still shaky and I went in to meet my mom and Phil for dinner - I clutched that phone - it was my life-line.

I had a belt clip for the phone and just when the train was pulling into grand central I clipped the phone to my pocketbook - I got off the train - as I crossed through the doorway my elbow brushed against the clip and then - my heart stopped - my phone had fallen between the platform and the train onto the tracks. I was seized with panic. I was late to meet my mom and had no way to tell her where I was. I was meeting my brother in law and forgot where his office was and didn't know how to find him.

I just stood there staring. Are you riveted?

Next chapter - the fairy tale.

Some cool new things being done with blogs and RSS aggregation technology

2007-03-15T21:58:00.000-04:00

1) Post Genomic - Collects posts from hundreds of science blogs. Uses tags and popularity to allow the user to sort through the sites.

2) Blogsoop - Aggregates blogger reviews into a searchable database of restaurants. Currently available in NYC and San Francisco.

3) The Hype Machine - Music aggregation from music blogs. A worldwide resource offering a list of playable music.

4) MetaxuCafé - Recent posts from the 'litblogosphere'. 100+ blogs are included. Members can cross post, or make original posts of any essays or reviews or anything topical to discuss on the site.

5) Military Webcom News - Military News. Covers a number of narrowly focused military blogs.

A Dream I Had

2007-03-12T19:38:00.000-04:00

I dropped my cellphone onto the subway tracks.

It was a big subway station and I had to run all over to find the operator.

At last I found my iconoclast in a burgundy blazer.

She told me to retrieve the phone myself.

But I was too scared.

The Next Big Thing

2007-03-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

Young New Comic

This burgeoning comic hosts a regular spot on Youtube which attracts thousands of viewers on a weekly basis (nearly 250,000 views for this video alone). The nebish character he portrays is all too believable.

I have a feeling it won't be too long before he's picked up by the main stream media.

Tatanka and I circa 2002

2007-03-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

Reess, Wilansky, Tatanka and I had a crazy weekend back in 2002.

It was then I learned a novelty tomahawk - in the eyes of the law - is considered a lethal weapon.

Winning the Peanut Butter Lottery: First Prize, Salmonella

2007-03-01T22:50:00.000-05:00

(Doug, pictured here with his winning jar of PB)

I was perusing some news on the NPR website when I came across this tidbit which I found interesting:

CDC Tracks Salmonella to Batch of Peanut Butter

"The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has linked peanut butter to a salmonella outbreak that's sickened almost 300 people since August. No one has died — but dozens of people have been hospitalized....

...investigators narrowed the outbreak to jars of Peter Pan and Great Value brands of peanut butter made at a processing facility in Georgia. The plant is owned by ConAgra foods, which has now recalled all jars of peanut butter that are labeled with a product code number that begins with 2111."

I found it particularly notable as I have been experiencing some gastric distress as of late. Not severe mind you, but far from normal - I prefer to keep things running on all eight cylinders.

I think I may have discovered the cause:

HealthCentral Preys on Cancer Patients

2007-02-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

According to their about page, the Health Central Network offers "timely, in-depth, trusted medical information, personalized tools and resources". This site offers insight from Dr. Dean Edell - "America's Doctor".

And at first glance it seems loaded with quality information from the Doctor himself. Edell lends authority to the web page. His name also doubles as the site's header.

A person unfamiliar with the web who stumbles upon Health Central - say by typing in the words "just diagnosed with cancer" in Google - for which Health Central ranks #2 - might mistake the contents of the page as factual and unbiased, and representative of Dr. Edell's opinions. The site is optimized for search engines - it ranks well and has a high readership according to Alexa.

While Health Central does differentiate content that is paid for from content that is not (although visually, sponsored content has a much stronger impact), the site makes claims related to the quality of their sponsored links. The worst offender is a section entitled, "What's Hot"

What's Hot??

According to Health Central: Chronic Pain, Cancer, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Vascular Disease.

Clicking on one of these links brings you to a page with a sponsored solution. eg: Medtronic, for pain relief, or Remicade, a drug for arthritis.

Perhaps when they say, "Trusted and reliable" they are referring to the amount of traffic they regularly send their sponsors. Camouflaging advertising as editorial and making statements related to the quality of the advertiser is extremely misleading and potentially dangerous - especially among sick patients who are vulnerable.

Russian Roulette - No Longer The Exclusive Domain of Adults

2007-02-14T11:08:00.000-05:00

I'd like to recognize Ilz for sending me this.

Super Human Powers

2007-02-12T22:15:00.000-05:00

While at a recent birthday celebration an acquaintance asked me, “What’s new?”

It’s a loaded question, especially for me. Last year, I might have told him what I’ve been up to lately. Or, perhaps, if something exciting had happened in my recent past. But lately, the answer is not so simple.

You see, for the past few months I’ve been plagued by a rapidly developing superpower.

I informed my friend hoping he would ask me no more. But as is the nature of my beast, when questioned further I chose the course of full disclosure.

“Bluntness,” I replied. “I’ve killed lesser men with mere speech.”

It’s a dangerous weapon, bluntness. At any moment I'm liable to spout out some truth in too direct a manner, reeking utter havoc on those around me.

You might compare me to Cyclops from the x-men—when he doesn't wear sunglasses lasers shoot out of his eyes and people get their heads blown off .

There are no sunglasses for bluntness. My power is starting to grow beyond me.

Old lady sitting beside a window OR a lawn chair and a bucket??

2007-02-09T07:34:00.000-05:00

Shaking the foundations of home fitness.

2007-02-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

Looking for an easy way to help get rid of your "love handles"? Aiming to flatten your abs and shrink your waist in this low-riding, short-cropped fashion world — without thousands of grueling abdominal crunches? LoveHandler™ is your answer!

This simple-but-brilliant new machine is the brainchild of Dan Isaacson — renowned fitness expert and the personal trainer to dozens of Hollywood's "A-list" stars.

With the handlebars locked, swing your lower body comfortably to the left and right 20 times — go as far as you can. Then lock the lower kneepad part and release the handlebars; now swing your upper body back and forth 20 times. That's it — just a few minutes a day.

$250

Who is Samuel Pepys?

2007-02-04T06:48:00.000-05:00

"Saw a wedding in the church. It was strange to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. "

-Samuel Pepys

Samuel Pepys lived in England during the 17th Century. For ten years he recorded a daily account of his life. The Diary is available in its full text online. I had the good fortune of finding an unwanted copy of his biography (by Claire Tomalin) in my building's lobby. The ability to relate so easily to a man who lived hundreds of years ago is the mark of a good biographer and the sign of a timeless individual. Pepys' Diary has striking stylistic similarities to my own 'Recounting of Daily Activities'. Granted, Pepys wrote with a candor which would not transfer well to online media (unless of course, I wrote under a pseudonym). He also lived during a time of social uheaval. A period in English history when Cromwell went out of power and Charles returned to the thrown.

Push-Pop’s Inventor Introduces New Website

2007-01-29T15:59:00.000-05:00

Never in the history of shameless self promotion has something so awesome been talked about so incessantly. Blog Soop , the latest offering from Douglas Cress—inventor of the Push Pop, has gone live.

Blog Soop provides easy access to restaurant reviews generated by 'food bloggers'. The website is currently focused on its search offering. Blog Soop Search connects visitors to nearly 5000 detailed NYC restaurant reviews by the leading experts—food bloggers. It is expected to fundamentally change the way people find and choose restaurants.

Blog Soop - Food Blog Restaurant Reviews

Intergalactic Forcefield Leaves Toilet Paper Holder Unusable, Investigators Baffled

2007-01-17T11:20:00.000-05:00

NEW YORK, NY--(PR NEWSWIRE)-- An invisible force field has materialized in the bathroom of an Upper East Side office building. The spherical orb is completely impenetrable and occupies the space surrounding the bathroom's toilet paper holder. Police officers responding to a panicked 9-1-1 call were left bewildered. A team of scientists has been monitoring the situation closely.

The force, at first believed to be Terrorist generated, may be caused by a tear in the space-time continuum. Niel Bore, an experimental physicist and first responder, discussed the rarity of such an event with NY 1,"The chances of an impenetrable force field appearing in such a small, localized area are simply staggering. Tears in the fabric of space only occur alongside an extraordinary cosmic event - such as the collapse of a super massive star or the explosion of a galaxy." Professor Bore believes the force field may be connected to a black hole millions of light years away.

Office workers, unable to use the toilet paper holder, have begun leaving the toilet paper on a nearby sink. "At first I though my coworkers were just being lazy," said Douglas Cress, employed at the office since 2004. "I mean, it only takes 2 seconds to put the TP on the holder."

The UES toilet paper shortage of 2006 is believed to be unrelated to the incident.

Hardcore Grain Series Part 1: Be afraid, be very afraid.

2007-01-09T18:51:00.000-05:00

I am to whole grains what Robert Parker is to wine. Most people stop at oatmeal having exhausted what little grainbition they have. I pity you. There is a universe of grains only waiting to be unearthed. Satisfying, wholesome, delicious. Served hot or cold, cooked or raw. The grain is my god and I am here to spread his word.

Last week, while in a health food store on 84th and 3rd I came across Roman Meal's Cream of Rye. It was sitting on the top shelf in the grain section. A thick layer of dust covered the cylinder. I felt like I was uncovering a lost relic. And it carried a hefty price tag - $4.29. Was this the Cadillac of grains?

Eating this uncooked is suicide. Even when properly cooked (I use a microwave) the grain never seems done. Nuke some sticks or twigs in water for a few minutes, you'll end of with something comparable to whole grained flaked rye. The taste? Earthy, grainy, and slightly nutty. Its okay.

The nutrition facts are admirable. In 1/3 of a cup there are only 110 calories and 5 grams of fiber. Before I was initiated, I cooked up an entire cup. I felt like the roman soldier ran me through with his long sword. I have yet to recover.

When it comes to whole grains this is about as hardcore as you get. The Roman Centurion on the label should have served as proper warning: DO NOT EAT MORE THAN ONE SERVING AT A TIME. If you're new to the world of grains, I would hold off on Roman Meal into you've developed more of a tolerance.

The Terminal Eternal

2006-09-12T00:03:00.000-04:00

Robert Moses hadn't eaten a thing since breakfast and anxiously anticipated the Chinese buffet as he slid into the patent leather booth. The owners of the 'Golden Light' knew Robert by name. Every Wednesday for the past two years they had greeted him with the same crooked smiles. The bus boys at the restaurant would stare at his expanding belly while trying to surmise how many plates they would have to clear.

Recently turned forty-one, Moses lived a solitary life. Time passes quickly for all men, but for Robert the steady march towards old age was particularly acute. The past ten years had congealed into one uniform slice of life. It was a decade devoid of significance; his future prospects were growing slim.

He began every day with a large cup of instant coffee and pastry. He worked as an accountant at Dale and Pinkin, a medium sized corporation in the Midwest specializing in electronics. It was a nine to six job for which Robert earned $500 a week. He had never gone far in school, attending a two-year accounting program at a local Community College. He was satisfied however, having exhausted what little ambition he had. At work, he would keep to himself. His tasks were well practiced and completed with few errors.

At 6pm he'd return to his one bedroom condo in the 'Whole Village' Estates. Here his life had grown observably routine. He found comfort and immediate purpose in this. His rituals included take-out, Miller High Life and cable TV. Compared to many, he led a good life. Moses had all the premium stations. He had recently purchased a 36" projector TV and a top of the line JVC videocassette recorder. On Friday he'd order a pizza and watch the pornographic tapes which arrived once weekly by mail.

***

The friendly couple who owned Golden Light seldom wondered why Robert dined alone. They felt some sympathy for the man, even as he consumed plate after plate of low quality food. The restaurant was typically empty on Wednesdays, but on this night Robert noticed two men in the seated near the door speaking softly in a foreign language. They were unusually well dressed for a $7.99 all you can eat buffet and only nibbled at their food. “Snobs,” thought Robert.

Towards the end of the feast lethargy began to set in. Robert was accustomed to the drowsiness that accompanies eating considerable quantities of Chinese food, but this feeling was subtly different. He poured himself a cup of tea, quickly paid the bill and left, taking care not to make eye contact with the foreigners as he passed their table.

As Robert fumbled with the keys to his Honda he felt a pinch in the back of his neck. His thick, oily hands brushed away what he presumed to be a bug. He felt another pinch and this time turned around—the two well-dressed men startled Robert. He was unable to utter a word as his vision blurred and faded to black.

***

Robert awoke with a burlap sack over his head. He was stretched out in what must have been a van or truck. Every imperfection in the pavement translated instantly to the back of his skull. He tried to move but his arms and legs were neatly bound. Moses began to whimper.

It is hard to keep track of time is such situations. Robert was disoriented. It felt like days had passed when the van finally stopped. He was soaked in sweat and urine. He felt another pinch and again faded away.

***

He regained consciousness in a windowless white room illuminated by bright fluorescent lighting. He was situated on a doctor’s examination table covered in parchment. The sound of the paper broke the silence as he stood up. Moses examined himself in a mirror. He was clean—recently bathed—and smelled pleasantly of soap. His head and groin were freshly shaven.

Hope and horror weighed heavily on Robert’s psyche, conflicting emotions that fed a crippling anxiety. It took several minutes before he was able to summon the courage needed to walk to the door and greet his saviors. The door was locked; the effort had exhausted Robert.

***

The Efficiency Expert, Nikolai Burr was the first to enter the room. He greeted Robert with a reassuring smile and a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. Tall and thin with clear blue eyes and short-cropped blond hair, his good will served as a token reprieve for the last forty hours of misery.

The ease with which Nikolai navigated life was due in large part to his looks. His dress and appearance, rather than being a testament to vanity, were a means to this end. He dressed impeccably in expensive dark suits that highlighted his fair skin and healthy complexion. Only exceptional men and women were immune to his allure.

Born in Norway, he had moved to New York in 1977. Nikolai enthusiastically adopted his new home, installing himself amongst the City’s elite. In only eight years he found himself living in a large loft in the West Village, eating in the finest restaurants and mingling with the finest people.

A self made man, his success was a testament to his drive and his willingness to adapt. Nikolai was portrayed positively and regularly in the media. He was involved in several high profile relationships with exquisite women, but floundered when it came to a deeper commitment. As a lifelong existentialist, most found it difficult to understand or know him.

***

“Hello Mr. Moses, my name is Nikolai Burr. You may be wondering what is happening to you and if you will live. Let me be the first to assure you—I have no intention of inflicting harm, any more so than is necessary. In fact your health is of great importance to me.”

The fresh stink of feces emanating from Robert’s gown did not faze Nikolai as he knelt before the man.

“Through a process of trial and error, we have found recruits acclimate more quickly when they are fully aware of the changes that are about to take place.”

Robert stared blankly.

“Have you ever had a cavity filled?”

Robert nodded unable and unwilling to communicate verbally.

“Well then, as you know, a good dentist will explain a procedure even before it has begun. I will do the same. We will begin with a brief tour of our facilities.”

Nikolai signaled to a camera in the corner of the room. Robert’s two captors entered, this time with a wheelchair.

“We are going to give you a drug which will allow you to witness and understand our business; it will prevent your fear from intruding. It will take a few moments for the substance to take affect during which time I will have my men clean you up.”

***

The facility had been erected during the heyday of wartime manufacturing and prosperity. Like much of Newark, the warehouse had fallen into disrepair long before Nikolai had arrived. Created to store munitions, the building was only two stories tall yet concealed seemingly endless subsurface levels.

Burr Fitness Products Incorporated had become profitable for the first time in 1984. The fitness craze that was sweeping the country was a stroke of good fortune for Nikolai. The business was never meant to be a success; it had been formed as a front for the remarkable operation occurring below ground—and perhaps to indulge the founder’s love of fitness, and cycling in particular.

Above ground, stationary bicycles, rowing machines, treadmills and other equipment was purchased in bulk and distributed nationally; below large quantities of electricity were being generated and sold to New York’s Chinatown. Nikolai had grown rich though power.

***

“Mr. Moses. I take it you’re relaxed and ready to begin the tour.” Nikolai prided himself on his business. “Shall we?” Nikolai gestured to the doors at the end of the hallway.

Robert was truly at peace. Whatever they had given him, had made his troubles, tangible as they were, fade away. He decided Nikolai wasn’t so unpleasant after all.

The hallway opened up into a large rectangular room. One could detect the powerful HVAC system that circulated fresh air. Nevertheless, the odor of men, sweat, and other bodily fluids was quite powerful. A low beat pulsed in the background. The lighting was dim; it took a minute for Robert’s eyes to adjust.

Before him, spaced evenly across the floor, two hundred men pedaled languidly on stationary cycles. Their feet fixed, seemingly permanently, to the machines.

“Robert. As you can see the floor is composed of metal grating.” Robert looked down and could faintly detect a similar scene below him. “The ceiling houses a series of sprinklers of my own design. Once daily, 12,000 gallons of water rains down on my men. We find that the cleansing helps with morale.”

Speaking for the first time, Robert asked, “When do the men leave their cycles?”

“Never. If you look across the room you will see that, at any given time 16% of our generators are sleeping. We have found that four hours of rest is adequate.” It was adequate only since he had begun circulating amphetamines through their systems. “Granted, the men are more productive if allowed to sleep in beds. Unfortunately, the costs associated with moving and storing them far outweighs any gains in output.”

Nikolai paused, “you may have noticed we shaved your groin.” Robert reached down and felt the smooth skin. “Before you begin, we will attach a catheter to your femoral artery. All your needs will be served through this input.”

***

On average, a unit became cash flow positive after only 34 days of pedaling and generated $1100 worth of power on a monthly basis. Nikolai would experiment with the men working in tandem within his warehouse. The entire operation was controlled through one central terminal, located in Nikolai’s damp office deep within the facility. He constantly tweaked their diet and the types and dosage of drugs he was administering. In the past two years he had increased productivity by 44%, while incurring no significant decline in life span.

The greatest improvement was experienced after linking the men to a feedback based reward system. From the start Nikolai had emphasized that the men must be made content, it was critical for output. Nikolai invested a significant sum in the human resources division. Recruiting the right subject was paramount.

And Robert Moses was a success. He pedaled willingly and spent his days in a state of comfort and intermittent euphoria. The low beat set the pace for his feet and his heart. He had no need to think and little to reflect upon. He adjusted well to the routine.

More People Fat Than Undernourished

2006-08-17T12:32:00.000-04:00

The number of overweight people in the world now outnumbers the number of malnourished people for the first time, according to a leading nutritionist.

There are now over one billion overweight people worldwide, compared to 800 million who are undernourished, said Professor Barry Popkin of the University of North Carolina.

Holy crap.

2006-08-13T18:33:00.000-04:00

The United States ranks near the bottom, just ahead of Turkey, in a new survey measuring public acceptance of evolution in 34 countries.

The study, led by University of Michigan researcher Jon Miller, found that 40 percent of Americans accept evolution, down from 45 percent over the past 20 years. Among the nations examined, only Turkey had a lower rate of acceptance of evolution, with 25 percent accepting it and 75 percent rejecting it.

In Iceland, Denmark, Sweden and France, 80 percent or more of adults accepted evolution. In Japan, 78 percent of adults did.

2006-06-27T23:36:00.000-04:00

Revelers Celebrate As NYC Meets Ultimate Demise, Children Flee In Terror

2006-06-27T23:32:00.001-04:00

Jorge Rodriguez, $$ Bill

2006-06-27T23:32:00.000-04:00

Jon, Jess, Ilya

2006-06-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

Dave, Nicole

2006-06-27T23:30:00.001-04:00

Rob, Erica, Sarah

2006-06-27T23:30:00.000-04:00

Raja, Adrienne, Shuan, Bill

2006-06-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

The Empire State Building in all its lackluster glory.

Breaking News: Best Party of the Millennium to Occur This Saturday

2006-06-19T20:33:00.000-04:00

NEW YORK, NY, June 20/PRNewswire/ A birthday party being held for Douglas Cress is being hailed by many as the paramount celebration of our time.

Taking place the afternoon of Saturday, June 24th on the sands of Water Taxi Beach— amidst the splendor of some of the most beautiful scenery on the East Coast—the gala event will feature food, drinks, merriment, and good people having a great time.

"Although we're only six years into this millennium," said Douglas Cress, a local visionary and the party's host, "it will take at least another thousand years to beat this."

The guest list reads like who's who of leaders from the last century. Among others, Bill Clinton, Chairman Mao, and Osama Bin Laden (in hiding for over a decade) are expected.

When reached for comment Bill Clinton lamented, "I missed Doug's birthday party back in 2000 and I feel it may have cost me the Presidency. I'll certainly be in attendance this Saturday." He added, "And I want the ladies to know, I'll be going stag."

A luxury liner will leave from East 34th at 3:17PM ushering guests to the celebration (it is recommended that attendees arrive 15 minutes ahead of time. See the schedule for details). Libations, for those who come early, will be provided by Mr. Cress who has purchased hundreds of drink tickets. Guests are welcome to bring friends.

NY Water Taxi Website
Water Taxi Beach's Website

2006-06-12T22:32:00.000-04:00

Laser Vision Correction

Birthday Celebration

2006-05-29T17:45:00.001-04:00

Honored Guests,

Taking place Saturday, June 24th 2006, the celebration of the birth of Douglas Cress will be held at Water Taxi Beach amidst the splendor of some of the most beautiful scenery on the East Coast.

For Manhattanites, the day can begin at East 34th Street with the New York Water Taxi to Hunter's Point, Queens. After a brief yet luxurious yacht ride on the East River, guests will be ushered to a reception held on the sands of the world renown Water Taxi Beach.

The afternoon includes a selection of fine beers, cheap beer, a BBQ luncheon, beach volley ball, sexy supermodels and musical entertainment. The event is in support of Douglas Cress and his mission to foster good times amongst good people. If you know of good people, bring them along too.

The NY Water Taxi schedule can be found here. I will be departing from 34th Street at the East River at 3:17PM. If you show up at that time and recite the phrase "douglascress-dot-blogspot-dot-com" I will purchase your ticket; I have also contacted WTB officials regarding bulk beer procurement. For more information on getting to WTB, visit their website.

Hope to see you there.

Superfluous bookmark.

2006-05-27T19:27:00.000-04:00

Toilet Paper Shortage On Upper East Side

2006-05-17T19:28:00.000-04:00

NEW YORK, NY, May 17/PRNewswire/ -- Ms. Ariel Hassle,
Vice President of a local publishing organization,
joined neighborhood officials at press conference
today to discuss the shortage of toilet paper on the
Upper East Side.

“Its been pretty bad lately,” commented Ariel.  “There
hasn’t been any toilet paper in our office all week.”
When asked how she and her co-workers have been dealing
with the crisis, Ariel had this to say, “We’ve been
using napkins and paper towels...mostly.  When I came
into work on Monday there were two plungers and a Frech
Baguette stationed next to the toilet."

All over the UES local businesses have been struggling
with the shortage.  A rumor that a toilet paper
shipment was being delivered to a Duane Reade on E79^th
sparked large-scale riots; the drug store was mobbed
by construction workers and off-duty police officers.
TP Speculators, looking to buy in bulk and sell at a
premium, added to the confusion.

“Everything was so frenzied!” remarked Ivana Tinkle.
“I saw two men defecate in their pants--by the time
they were ushered into a restroom, they were forced
to wipe with newspapers!!”

Hu Flung Pu, the owner of a nearby dry cleaner, shook
his head in disgust. “Toilet paper used to be available
at the local store, never more than a block away.
Only the laziest individuals would fail to keep a ready
supply.”

The lone man to escape unharmed was Douglas Cress,
Blogger and Renaissance Man.  “I never wipe my butt,"
remarked Doug, "What's wrong with you people?”

Jaywalking

2006-04-26T17:00:00.000-04:00

I consider myself a pioneer—I’m not the type to follow the path of those who've come before me. One might say I take the road less traveled.. This afternoon, I encountered two men who sought to curb my zest for living.

I was cornered by the New York Police Department after crossing 86^th Street, approximately one-half way between 3rd Avenue and Lexington. I was confused at first. Was it the elderly woman I had accosted the week prior? The handicapped gentleman who’s wheelchair I had stolen? Was I just being paranoid?

Officer Willie Matos (he'll remain nameless) was the first to speak. It soon became clear that I was being charged with jaywalking (I prefer to call it “trailblazing”) He asked for my identification and if I was indeed, "Douglas Cress".

“Yes,” I said. “I am Douglas Cress. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?” I breathed a sigh of relief. How could they give Douglas Cress, of douglascress.blogspot.com, a citation for jaywalking?!

As luck would have it, they weren’t fans.

While they wrote up the ticket I suggested they move their base of operations closer to the Papaya King down the street.

“Why not give tickets to fat people leaving with hot dogs?” After all, heart disease kills far more people than jaywalking. Officer Matos' portly partner was not amused.

They handed me the citation and I shuffled off, defeated. On June 20^th, I will spend much of my day in court and depart $50 poorer. Does the punishment fit the crime?

In 1998 (the most recent year for which I could find data) there were a total of 99 jaywalking tickets issued in NYC. If every native New Yorker jaywalks once per day (a conservative estimate) the likelihood of getting ticketed for this offense is less than one in thirty million.

I won the jaywalking lottery.