Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry-- the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.